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Keith

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  1. PUNCTUATION Example of how words can say the same thing but with different punctuation can mean totally different!! Enjoy . An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing,"on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing." ................................................................................................................................................................................................... Well, I know this is not particularly funny, but when you start reading Facebook Comments the mind boggles! It is like people type in whatever they might be thinking out loud, then you have to punctuate it to try and find out a semblance of meaning!! Ok maybe it's just me! I'll get my Hat. Should be on the stage you say? Last stage out of town!! No punctuation marks were harmed during the writing of this post, well maybe one or two.
  2. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. ... Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg". I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.' On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
  3. Breaking News: PM Boris Johnson has announced on Twitter that due to the new indian Variant people will be offered the Pun Jab next week. He said it was critical people took it seriously, he said his neighbour caught it, and has been in a Korma for week, and has just had to bury his Naan!
  4. It is a great place, went there last week, well the Friday before last. Had the Fish and Chips Special, which I had with the curry sauce, was spot on. Have added a link if anyone wants to see a bit about Nickys, if you are not here at the moment, and not using Facebook. Hope that is not breaking any rules! https://keithinpattaya.com/2021/02/nickys-restaurant-bar-guesthouse-soi-buakhow-pattaya-thailand/
  5. A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time. She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
  6. I guess with all these lockdowns we need to plan ahead for next hols.
  7. Hi Gents, Spend my time equally between Thailand and England, well at least until the world shut down. Retired and living in Contentment, well mostly!
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