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Jokes to raise a smile? (Threads Merged)


ArtyGraph

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After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.


As she loved his caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

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Just got this one from a French relative, hope the translation is adequate

An elderly lady has a very hard time  boarding a packed bus, her cane slips a few times as she grabs a pole. A young punk shouts “ looks like you could use some rubber on the end of your cane, old girl”.

To which she fires back “ And if your daddy had put some rubber on the end of his cock, I would have a seat on this bus” 

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