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Jokes to raise a smile? (Threads Merged)


ArtyGraph

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I received an accidental wrong number text yesterday, it said:

'Hi, got a new phone in town, this is my new number be home soon, love ya, Dave xxx'

Being me I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I text the bloke back:

'Don't bother, I don't love you, you're a crap in bed & I have been shagging your brother.'

I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:

'You ok mum?'

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Poor old bloke gets run over by a bus.
Gets up to the pearly gates and is greeted by St Peter .
Hello George mate, sorry about the accident but chin up your on VIP list.
Can i get you anything?
Sure enough says George could i have word with the virgin Mary.
Soon enough Mary pops her head around the gates and greets George.
What can i do for you?
Well, says George. Ive been to all the holy places in the world. Seen tapestries, statues, frescoes and loads of paintings of you and the baby Jesus, but in all of them you're never smiling. I wondered why?
Mary looks at him and says quietly
I was hoping for a little girl.
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