Glasseye Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazle Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 Did you intend this as a PM to @Nightcrawler? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fygjam Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 Begs the question, why would you want to stop? Isn't sharing those fetid larger bombs with colleagues one of life's little pleasures. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 (edited) As long as I am able to fart, others will know I am still alive. Edited March 14, 2022 by Lirchenfeld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 41 minutes ago, fygjam said: Begs the question, why would you want to stop? Isn't sharing those fetid larger bombs with colleagues one of life's little pleasures. Memories.... My father (may he rest in peace). Had some major stomach surgery at the ripe young age of 92. It was a long slow recovery and we weren't sure if he would make it. There was a time following the surgery where the doctors were saying (and waiting) that it was important for him to "pass gas". The watch began. Finally, after a couple of long days, we came into his room and he mumbled that he had farted. A roar of laughter and cheering erupted and echoed down the hallway. We all celebrated the greatest fart of his lifetime. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khun Ling Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 I was in hospital having had my appendix removed when I was 12, And the nurses kept asking me if I had passed wind. No I replied. I mean what a stupid question, I have not even left this ward , how am I supposed to have gone past any wind. Well they kept asking this same silly question and I was well sick of the hospital and wanted to go home. My mother came on one of her regular visits and She seemed concerned. I was supposed to have been discharged already but there was a problem. I asked what the problem was? I needed to pass wind before I could be discharged. What wind? I asked Mum replied “you know, farting “ oh I have been farting plenty but I have not gone past any wind as I have been stuck in this bloody room for days now. I left that day 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 7 minutes ago, Khun Ling said: I was in hospital having had my appendix removed when I was 12, And the nurses kept asking me if I had passed wind. No I replied. I mean what a stupid question, I have not even left this ward , how am I supposed to have gone past any wind. Well they kept asking this same silly question and I was well sick of the hospital and wanted to go home. My mother came on one of her regular visits and She seemed concerned. I was supposed to have been discharged already but there was a problem. I asked what the problem was? I needed to pass wind before I could be discharged. What wind? I asked Mum replied “you know, farting “ oh I have been farting plenty but I have not gone past any wind as I have been stuck in this bloody room for days now. I left that day Baaawwwahahha ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 8 minutes ago, Khun Ling said: I was in hospital having had my appendix removed when I was 12, And the nurses kept asking me if I had passed wind. I was in hospital having an operation when I was 12 aswell.. At bath time the nurses seemed fascinated by the size of my willy... And I was unable to wash myself due to one arm being bandaged OK... I know that it has nothing to do with farting ....... but I thought it might start everybody's day off feeling in a good mood!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 11 minutes ago, Derek Dangleberries said: I was in hospital having an operation when I was 12 aswell.. At bath time the nurses seemed fascinated by the size of my willy... And I was unable to wash myself due to one arm being bandaged OK... I know that it has nothing to do with farting ....... but I thought it might start everybody's day off feeling in a good mood!! Did they use a Qtip to clean up the spunk ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 17 minutes ago, Glasseye said: Did they use a Qtip to clean up the spunk ? They swallowed the evidence m'lord.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 I've just remembered that I was a FART once in the early 80s. The UDR and RUC girls loved it when we answered the phone and said FART, to the extent that when we visited their respective bars the girls would greet us with a big "FART!" Oddly enough it WAS only the girls that seemed to enjoy it !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forcebwithu Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galenkia Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 Do miss my cider farts, though I'm probably the only one who does.🤣 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 2 minutes ago, galenkia said: Do miss my cider farts, though I'm probably the only one who does.🤣 My Dad used to produce some fantastic farts on Saturday afternoons after a session on Hall and Woodhouse Badger Best and pickled eggs... f**k knows what the worst Badger smelled like!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 There's certainly some old farts on here.... I know 'cos I am one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britboy Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 Can't beat a good fart and there's still nothing that makes me laugh more. When I was an apprentice keyboard operator in the printing industry there was a tradesman called John Hudston (God rest his soul) who used to stand up from his keyboard (it was quiet room), walk over to the wall, facing it, spreading his arms so his hands were on the wall, spread his legs and drop the loudest, longest farts I've ever heard. Absolutely hilarious and I can still see his smiling face as he turned round to look at everyone. Without fail he'd clear the room for 5 minutes as not only was there volume, there was an unbelievably ransid stench that lingered for minutes . . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fygjam Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 28 minutes ago, coxyhog said: There's certainly some old farts on here.... I know 'cos I am one. Old farts make the best farts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted March 15, 2022 Author Share Posted March 15, 2022 I'll never forget the first time I saw someone light a fart.... Back when I was in 8th grade two of my pals were up in my bedroom smoking weed and listening to tunes. The one guy started farting and the situation digressed. One thing led to another and he started saying that you could light a fart on fire. Me and the other buddy said "no fucking way". So he grabbed a lighter, rolled back on the bed a cranked out a massive flame. We were shocked ! I've never laughed so hard in my life ! It was not only funny as hell to see, but he burned the hell out of his asshole doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 3 hours ago, Glasseye said: he burned the hell out of his asshole doing it. Did you go down down down on his ring of fire...?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted March 16, 2022 Author Share Posted March 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Derek Dangleberries said: Did you go down down down on his ring of fire...?? Not my thang.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightcrawler Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 I have always been an advocate of the "DUTCH OVEN" method of fart dispersal. For those who are not familiar with the practice, it involves pulling the bed clothes over your partner's head, after you have released a potent fart, thus forcing her to ingest the obnoxious gas. Always a bit of harmless morning fun,unless the tables are turned on you. I guess I am just an old romantic at heart 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 9 hours ago, Glasseye said: I'll never forget the first time I saw someone light a fart.... 1974 I was posted to RAF St Athan for further technician training,there were 16 of us in the entry & the first night we all went down to St Athan village on the piss. We were all banned from one of the two pubs there for lighting farts in their saloon bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britboy Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 In the early 80's I was a systems analyst, spending most of my time travelling round the world installing software and getting systems up and running for customers. We actually sold a system to North Korea and spent 6 weeks in Pyongyang with a hardware engineer. It was so boring, nothing to do in the evenings or weekends. On day 1 we started a farting competition, the rules being they had to be audible, there had to be 15 seconds between any double fart to count as two (pretty impossible to stop a fart mid way and hold the remainder for 15 seconds). There were no holds barred, any time anywhere. It got to the point where we were even dropping them in front of the Koreans. One particular time we were walking up some internal concrete stairs with our entourage (driver, interpreter, etc) and my engineer dropped a huge one, which echoed around us. We didn't bat an eyelid as we carried on walking. They must have wondered what the hell these westerners were all about . . . 😂 The competition finished on wheels down at Heathrow and it finished 493 all. To this day I claim the win as I did a big one on the plane during the last leg of the flight home from Paris, but my engineer to this day claims he didn't hear it. 😂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 11 minutes ago, Britboy said: In the early 80's I was a systems analyst, spending most of my time travelling round the world installing software and getting systems up and running for customers. We actually sold a system to North Korea and spent 6 weeks in Pyongyang with a hardware engineer. That must have been a unique experience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britboy Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 It absolutely was. I could write a book on the trip, things we saw, places they took us to and how we were used for propaganda purposes. Kim il Sung was "The Great Leader" at that time and we had visit his birthplace along with a "museum" depicting the Korean war, which they won of course . . 😂 We took all the spare parts, testing equipment, teletypes, etc. to make sure we could leave the system up and running (otherwise we may not have got out). When we did leave there were 4 huge boxes of these parts and test equipment. Guess what? None of it arrived back in the UK. The highlight of our week was a piss up on Wednesday evenings at the Russian embassy. My engineer met one of their diplomats on his flight from Moscow to Pyongyang, so we got the invite. They were decent guys to be fair and hated being in Pyongyang. It was like being sent to Siberia for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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